Human Resource Lingo

"COMPETITIVE SALARY" = We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY" = We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE" = We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.

"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED" = You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED" = Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY" = Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL" = We have no quality control.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE" = We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE" = You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST" = You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS" = You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS" = Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

cheeers...

A lesson for today..

The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:

Brain - I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood - I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.
Stomach - I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs - I should be in charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.
Eyes - I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.
@$$hole - I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.

All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the @$$hole very mad.

Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable
Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body
Day 6 - The other organs agreed to let the @$$hole be in charge.

MORAL OF THE STORY: "NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE @$$HOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE"

Two Italian Men and a Lady..

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.

"In this Country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives...... "

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

Understanding Engineers

Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Take Two

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." Both? "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the garage and get some work done."

Take Three

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Take Four

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.The first one said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just look at all the joints."Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Take Five

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

cheers...

Sapu Lidi Restaurant

Category : Cafe & Restaurants

Cuisine : Sundanese
Location : Jl. Sersan Bajuri - Lembang Bandung
telp. 022-2786915

Resto yg mempunyai konsep unik "makan ditengah sawah" ini sangat susah dicari di Jakarta. Apalagi didukung dengan udara pegunungan yg sejuk segar, dan pondok'an2 yg mirip bgt ama pondokan di tengah2 sawah dan juga tanaman2 padinya. Jadi bener2 kerasa makan di tengah sawah deh..

Untuk makanan yg ditawarkan adalah makanan2 sunda, seperti nasi timbel, bermacam2 ikan goreng dan bakar, Bermacam2 pepes dan oncom serta makanan2 sunda lainnya.

Nasi timbelnya terdiri dari ayam goreng, tempe bacem, tahu goreng, bawal, sayur asem, lalapan dan nasi.
Sayur asem dan sambelnya bener2 bikin lidah bergoyang..

Selain nasi timbel, menu unggulannya adalah sate, terdapat bermacam2 sate yg benar2 menggugah selera.

Menu lain yg patut untuk dicoba adalah ikan goreng ala sapu lidi (lupa namanya). Ikannya di bumbuin dengan bumbu yg ada lombok2nya gitu lalu digoreng. Jadi rasanya asin2 pedas.. pokok enak deh..

Selain Restaurant, Sapu Lidi ini mempunyai fasilitas resort juga. Dengan view ala desa dan danau, resort ini nuansanya mirip dengan kampung sampireun. Kamar yg disediakan berbentuk bungalow2 floating dan juga ada sampannya. Untuk kamar yg termurah berkisar seharga satu jutaan per malam. Tp menurutku worth it bgt mengingat suasana yg sangat berbeda dgn Jakarta, dan udara yg segar alami, bener2 relax deh.. dijamin stress2 pada ilang..

Overall, Highly recommended for those who like Sundanese Food while enjoying a great village view and fresh air..

Price : (main course Rp.30,000-60,000)

Service :

Overall :

Blonde and Irish..

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

Moral of the story : Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men!

Ikan/Udang Goreng Kuning ala Mama..

Ikan/Udang Goreng

Bahan:
· ikan/udang
· bw putih, kunir, garam

Cara:
· ikan diiris2/ udang di lepas kulitnya.
· bw putih, kunir, dan garam diuleg lalu beri air sedikit
· bubuhkan bumbu pada ikan/udang, diamkan sejenak
· goreng ikan/udang dengan api agak besar dan sajikan dengan sambal terasi.

Sambal terasi

Bahan:
· 3 lombok besar
· 1 lombok kecil (tergantung selera)
· tomat/ranti
· terasi, gula, garam

Cara
· goreng semua bahan lalu di uleg sampai halus

Resep ala mama ini sangat sederhana dan gampang bgt untuk dipraktekkan.. Makan ikan/udang langsung sehabis di goreng dengan nasi yg hangat.. apalagi kalo sambelnya dipedesin... di jamin top cer de....

cheers...

IT GUYS..

Two IT guys were chatting in a pub after work.

"Guess what, mate," says the first IT guy, "yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in a bar."

"What did you do?" says the other IT guy.

"Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off."

"You're kidding me!" says the second IT guy.

"I took her miniskirt off, and then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop."

"Really? You got a new laptop?"

Moral of the joke :

• For good girls: Dating with nerd IT guy is safer.. no need to worry that you might get raped or anything.. BUT you need to bring some new high-tech stuffs..
• For wild girls: Dating with nerd IT guy is very not recommended.. you won't impressed him much unless you bring some new high-tech stuffs..

cheers...

what if..

An 18 year old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says "who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Mercedes stops in front of their house, a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Mercedes and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother and the girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the situation. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life."

"Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each."

“However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You root her again."

moral of the story : whenever you have a very great opportunity, do anything to get it.. and also bad things will turn to be a great things whenever money is involved!! :)

cheers...

Kembali ke Lap....top!!

Prase "kembali ke lap..top" by Tukul Arwana di acara Empat Mata skrg lagi booming bgt.. dimana2 pada ngomongin itu.. Dengan gaya monyetnya ketika mengenalkan diri dan juga phrase2 laennya seperti "tak sobek-sobek mulutmu" ato "PUAS? PUAS? PUAS?" Tukul menjadi artis yg sangat digemari baik dikalangan anak2 sampe yg tua2. Acara Empat Mata itu sendiri yang dari 1x seminggu jadi 3x seminggu sekarang jadi 5x seminggu! sampe2 adeku yg lg di luar negri aja bela2in liat Empat Mata di uTube.

Denger2 juga si Tukul jadi melejit bgt.. menurut yg tertulis di koran Bisnis Indonesia, Tukul yg per episode dibayar 3,5 juta naik menjadi 7 juta dan konon kabarnya sekarang jadi 20 juta per episode!!! belum lagi mulai banyak iklan-iklan yang make Tukul.. Terus bagi yang mau nanggap Tukul juga bisa tuh.. di charge sekitar 30juta/ 2 jem.. Selain itu dia skrg juga lagi bikin klip utk lagunya.. Tukul jadi penyanyi!! emang dia tidak menyia2kan kesempatan yah.. mumpung lagi tenar semua aja dikerjain hehe.. mendadak kaya nih...

Banyak yg bilang "Tukul, tampang desa, tapi rejeki kota!". Memang sih sering kali pertanyaan2 dia byk yg cerdas.. mungkin memang disitulah letak kepinteran dia utk menarik perhatian pemirsa. Dia membawa kekurangannya untuk menjadi terkenal (i.e. kekampungannya yg dianggap lucu dan cocok dgn selera penonton dan wajahnya yg, maaf, tidak cakep seperti bintang2 lainnya).. memang sih dijaman yg lagi stress gara2 bencana yg tak henti2nya.. belum lagi ekonomi yg tidak pula membaik, Tukul bisa menghibur orang2 dengan guyonannya yg fresh dan orisinil, sehingga mrk bisa "melupakan" ke-stress-annya itu barang sejenak dan ketawa ngikik2.. Sampe2 di koran Bisnis Indonesia itu dibilang kalo pamor SBY-JK kalah jauh sama Tukul!

Bahkan anggota DPR pun semua pada minta anggaran buat laptop! Alhasil byk humor2 yg ditujukan kepada mrk seperti ini nih:

Anggota DPR: "Mbak saya ingin daftar account di yahoo.com kok nggak bisaya?"

Customer Service: "Nggak bisa kenapa Pak?"

Anggota DPR: "Ada tulisan, paswort is nat long inof, suld bi mor den 8karakter"

CS: "Itu maksudnya, password Bapak harusnya minimal 8 huruf."

Anggota DPR: "Oooo...oke deh.., saya coba dulu."

Anggota DPR: "Mbak, password minimal delapan huruf itu delapannya pakaiangka 8 atau ejaan delapan?"

CS: "Maksudnya?"

Anggota DPR: "Saya sudah tulis di kolom password "minimal 8 huruf", tapibingung mau tulis delapannya, pakai angka delapan atau ejaan huruf'delapan'."

CS: "Ketik ini aja Pak: "C", lalu spasi, lalu "D".

Anggota DPR: "Apa tuh?"

CS: "CAPE' DEH !!!"

******

Anggota DPR: "Mbak, kalau muter film di laptop, gimana caranya ya?

CS: "Ada DVD playernya kan Pak?"

Anggota DPR: "Sebelah mana tuh Mbak?"

CS: "Disamping kanan, pak. kalau di tekan tombolnya nanti, piringan discnyakeluar."

Anggota DPR: "Ooooo.... yang keluar itu, piringan disc ya? Wah, udah patahtuh kemarin."

CS: "Kok bisa patah?"

Anggota DPR: "Saya kira tempat buat naruh gelas minuman."

Hahaha.. yah meski sedikit jayus ya lumayan la paling gak bisa membuat kita ketawa

Namun banyak pula yg tidak suka dengan acara Empat Mata, seperti KPI (Komisi Penyiaran Indonesia). Mrk berkata bahwa "seringkali terdapat muatan pembicaraan tentang seks secara eksplisit dan vulgar (termasuk memperlihatkan alat bantu seks). Cara berpakaian para bintang tamu sering menonjolkan sensualitas. Pembawa acaranya pun terkadang melontarkan hal-hal yang tidak pantas (cabul) dan berkonotasi seks." (dikutip dari website KPI).

Contohnya di salah satu episode Tukul berkata, "Oke pemirsa tidak perlu berpanjang-panjang. Karena kalau terlalu panjang kasihan ibunya; kalau terlalu lebar kasihan bapaknya." ahahaha... kalo yang ini sebenarnya kan tergantung gimana cara mikir kita kan... kalo pikirannya picik ya dianggap berkontasi seks. ya nggak

Yang penting penonton terhibur dan bisa ketawa ketiwi deh... emang itu yg dicari2 kan? daripada nonton berita yg membuat orang stress atau nonton gossip2 artis yang tak henti2nya kan mending ketawa ketiwi bareng Tukul!!

cheers..

another summer day..

it's been a while since i blog.. hm.. today is just another summer day in my office, well yeah Jakarta is always hot.. lucky we got very cold air condition here. I can't imagine to live without one.. meebe we'll get used to it some day, and maybe at that time women will all be skinny.. cos it's like sauna rite.. hehe

it's so hot outside and yet it's fullon cloudy, wierd huh? it's seem that world has gone crazy, maybe earth is really angry.. when u think about it, flood, flight accident, tsunamy, earthquake, mud flood, typoon, thunderstorm and heavy rain have come and go so often.. scary huh?
hm.. probably it's nearly end of the world, a friend told me that someone has been given some "seeing" from God, that it's nearly end of the world and earth is angry, start from lapindo mud flood that will never stop till 30 years time or meebe more, can't imagine when it reach Surabaya, flights accident, it's already 3 planes since january 2007 even garuda!! not mentioning some nearly accident planes, ship accident, tsunami, earthquake, and more and more disaster coming.. and she said that a big flood will hit Jakarta soon... OH NOT AGAIN!!!!!!

Is it human error?? or the earth is really angry??
it's so depressing to think about it, eh?.. ah well.. meebe it's time to reflect to ourself and be good, so nothing bad is gonna happen to us..

hm talking about flood, duku palembang (one kind of fruit) is everywhere at this time of the year and so cheap.. it's only Rp 5000/kg for the medium size and Rp 6000 for big size!! it's sweet, addictive and u just cant stop! you can get it everywhere on the street, they sell it on the pickup car.. and i'm eating one rite now hehe..

cheers...