Few days ago, my cousin found out that she lost her beloved baby in her 31weeks tummy, she named her Abigail. What a pretty name.
We were really shocked, sad, devastated, especially when the doctor said there were nothing wrong with the pregnancy and the baby, and she just had a monthly check up few days before, and everything was perfect.
This bring back my memories about my little angel, Adeline who went to heaven 6 years ago. My husband also feel the same thing, I can feel his grief. I'm really sad, I cried for baby Abigail, I felt so sorry for my cousin and mostly I miss my little Adeline. I know I shouldn't, she's an angel in heaven now, but I can't help it. The regret of not having a chance to hold her, to say goodbye to her, were crawling into my heart, it's very hurt, i cried hard that night. I was upset that no one would think that it's the best for me to be able to hold my baby for the last time, that I can move on and accept everything. Ah well.. i just hope that i can fully heal my heart as time passed by. Maybe one day when I died, I could finally see her and hug her.
I couldn't go to Abigail's funeral, because my girl, Nicolene was sick. I really really wanted to go, but I think somehow it wasn't meant to be for me to go. Maybe it's the best for me not to go, I would probably cried hard again or fainted.
I feel so sorry for my cousin, it's very very devastated to have a stillbirth. I will try my best to comfort her, I know how she feel. been there. I just hope that no one would experience the same thing.
Be well all..
Showing posts with label Daily Thought. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Daily Thought. Show all posts
17 October 2014
27 October 2008
Everything happens for a reason..
We often hear this phrase "Everything happens for a reason". Does it always true? me myself believe that everything happens for a reason.. for a higher purpose. I believe that everything contains a gift or a lesson, though I may not always be able to see it in the moment, but i'm sure that one day when i found out the reason then i'll be very grateful of what happened in the past and probably regret why did i complain, blaming and feel guilty so much that time..
Recently, I did some job hunting and found one job that challange me, that attract me. It was a math tutor but this math academy has a unique way of teaching math to children. I am so interested, i thought maybe i could use some changes in my careers, or maybe i could be a great teacher since i love children, or maybe there's a piece missing in my life because of my loss recently so i thought maybe this job will fullfil me or something.
First i was hesitated, what if i couldn't be a good teacher? and many other what if.. so i didn't apply for that job.. then few days later i still saw that job advertising... and the week after that... and even the week after the long lebaran holiday.. then i began to think what if this is the right job for me? what if this is meant to be? so i applied for that job, and i got a call for interview..
Then i met this lovely lady, Widya, she was the one who interviewed me, i dont know why but i feel like i already like her. We had a small talk, but unfortunately the salary didn't suit me. So i have to let it go, eventhough i really like the job. A few days later, I got a call from her again, it was a surprise, we met and we talked. She offer me a freelance job, and gave me the sample. It was nice talking to her, she's nice and stuff. Then she recomend me to read "Happy for No Reason - 7 Steps to being happy from the inside out by Marci Shimoff & Carol Kline". I was very attracted to the book after i read the title (eventhough i haven't see the book). I went to the bookstore the next day and bought the book straight away and start reading..
I found this book very inspiring, and i believe that i can be happy for no reason.. i want to be happy for no reason.. i began to think about all my past experiences, all my bad habbits with fullon complaining, blaming and feel guilty.. i just want to be happy! So far I've learned that to be happy we have to be less complaining, less blaming, focus on the solutions, make peace with yourself, and be more grateful for everything u have.
It was very worth it reading this book.. so probably you should read it too.. i recomend this book.. probably after i read this book and practicing the theories to my life, i can be happy, all that mental block that block my happiness will go away..
Anyway, I submit the samples, hoping that it'll suit the academy, then few days later, she called me and they accept my sample, it was really surprising seeing that i didn't think it was good enough, so I met her again today, we had talk, i feel like we are very similar in someway, i feel like i knew her for years already.. and she said that probably we met for a reason.. who knows? then it hit me.. yeah probably i met her for a reason.. maybe i can finally make inner peace of myself.. maybe i can be a better person.. maybe i can be happy from the inside out! who knows, right?
I don't really know what exactly is the reason for all of this yet, but from what i know so far, i got a good friend that i can talk to, and also i found this really amazing book that could change my life. Hope it could change your life too when u read it :)
cheers...
Recently, I did some job hunting and found one job that challange me, that attract me. It was a math tutor but this math academy has a unique way of teaching math to children. I am so interested, i thought maybe i could use some changes in my careers, or maybe i could be a great teacher since i love children, or maybe there's a piece missing in my life because of my loss recently so i thought maybe this job will fullfil me or something.
First i was hesitated, what if i couldn't be a good teacher? and many other what if.. so i didn't apply for that job.. then few days later i still saw that job advertising... and the week after that... and even the week after the long lebaran holiday.. then i began to think what if this is the right job for me? what if this is meant to be? so i applied for that job, and i got a call for interview..
Then i met this lovely lady, Widya, she was the one who interviewed me, i dont know why but i feel like i already like her. We had a small talk, but unfortunately the salary didn't suit me. So i have to let it go, eventhough i really like the job. A few days later, I got a call from her again, it was a surprise, we met and we talked. She offer me a freelance job, and gave me the sample. It was nice talking to her, she's nice and stuff. Then she recomend me to read "Happy for No Reason - 7 Steps to being happy from the inside out by Marci Shimoff & Carol Kline". I was very attracted to the book after i read the title (eventhough i haven't see the book). I went to the bookstore the next day and bought the book straight away and start reading..
I found this book very inspiring, and i believe that i can be happy for no reason.. i want to be happy for no reason.. i began to think about all my past experiences, all my bad habbits with fullon complaining, blaming and feel guilty.. i just want to be happy! So far I've learned that to be happy we have to be less complaining, less blaming, focus on the solutions, make peace with yourself, and be more grateful for everything u have.
It was very worth it reading this book.. so probably you should read it too.. i recomend this book.. probably after i read this book and practicing the theories to my life, i can be happy, all that mental block that block my happiness will go away..
Anyway, I submit the samples, hoping that it'll suit the academy, then few days later, she called me and they accept my sample, it was really surprising seeing that i didn't think it was good enough, so I met her again today, we had talk, i feel like we are very similar in someway, i feel like i knew her for years already.. and she said that probably we met for a reason.. who knows? then it hit me.. yeah probably i met her for a reason.. maybe i can finally make inner peace of myself.. maybe i can be a better person.. maybe i can be happy from the inside out! who knows, right?
I don't really know what exactly is the reason for all of this yet, but from what i know so far, i got a good friend that i can talk to, and also i found this really amazing book that could change my life. Hope it could change your life too when u read it :)
cheers...
20 September 2008
Apa kata dunia?
Apa kata dunia bila melihat sisa-sisa sampah hotel dan restaurant yang banyak baketerinya di daur ulang dgn cara di formalin, diberi pewarna dan digoreng lalu dijual di pasar?
Apa kata dunia bila melihat daging-daging gelondongan yg di suntik dengan air supaya keliatan lebih berat dan lebih gemuk?
Apa kata dunia bila melihat sapi yang sudah mati lalu dipotong2 lalu dijual ke pasar tanpa memikirkan bakteri-bakteri yang mungkin bisa berakibat fatal bila orang mengkonsumsinya?
Apa kata dunia bila melihat ayam jg disuntik dengan air supaya lebih gemuk atau melihat ayam-ayam yang sudah telah menjadi bangkai, keluar belatungnya dan penuh dengan lalat tapi masih dijual?
Apa kata dunia bila melihat tahu yang diformalin lalu dikonsumsi oleh manusia?
Apa kata dunia bila melihat pedagang gorengan memasukkan plastik ke dalam minyaknya sebelum menggoreng tahu/tempe/singkong supaya gurih terus sepanjang hari tanpa memikirkan dampak efek samping kimianya bila dikonsumsi?
Apa kata dunia bila melihat makanan yang telah kadarluarsa dihancurkan kecil-kecil lalu dibuat makanan baru dan dipasarkan untuk dikonsumsi anak kecil?
Apa kata dunia bila melihat makanan yang telah kadarluarsa masih dijual di pasaran dengan harga yang murah?
Apa kata dunia bila mereka tahu semua ini tapi tetap membelinya tanpa memikirkan efek samping yang akan mereka dapatkan bila mengkonsumsinya, karena mereka tak mampu untuk membeli makanan yang masih layak dimakan?
siapakah yg bertanggung jawab atas semua ini? apakah hati nurani orang sudah terlalu dikonsumsi untuk kepentingan pribadi semata? atau hidup di indonesia begitu susah sampai orang tega menjual dan membeli makanan seperti itu demi bertahan hidup? demi sesuap nasi untuk keluarganya?
hmm.... semua ini membuat kita berpikir betapa beruntungnya kita dan betapa kita harus bersyukur atas apa yang kita miliki sekarang sehingga kita tak perlu mengkonsumsi makanan-makanan tersebut.. bersyukur karena kita masih mampu untuk makan makanan yang layak.. seberapa susahnya kita, kita masih jauh lebih beruntung daripada mereka... so live your life gracefully everyday!
cheers..
Apa kata dunia bila melihat daging-daging gelondongan yg di suntik dengan air supaya keliatan lebih berat dan lebih gemuk?
Apa kata dunia bila melihat sapi yang sudah mati lalu dipotong2 lalu dijual ke pasar tanpa memikirkan bakteri-bakteri yang mungkin bisa berakibat fatal bila orang mengkonsumsinya?
Apa kata dunia bila melihat ayam jg disuntik dengan air supaya lebih gemuk atau melihat ayam-ayam yang sudah telah menjadi bangkai, keluar belatungnya dan penuh dengan lalat tapi masih dijual?
Apa kata dunia bila melihat tahu yang diformalin lalu dikonsumsi oleh manusia?
Apa kata dunia bila melihat pedagang gorengan memasukkan plastik ke dalam minyaknya sebelum menggoreng tahu/tempe/singkong supaya gurih terus sepanjang hari tanpa memikirkan dampak efek samping kimianya bila dikonsumsi?
Apa kata dunia bila melihat makanan yang telah kadarluarsa dihancurkan kecil-kecil lalu dibuat makanan baru dan dipasarkan untuk dikonsumsi anak kecil?
Apa kata dunia bila melihat makanan yang telah kadarluarsa masih dijual di pasaran dengan harga yang murah?
Apa kata dunia bila mereka tahu semua ini tapi tetap membelinya tanpa memikirkan efek samping yang akan mereka dapatkan bila mengkonsumsinya, karena mereka tak mampu untuk membeli makanan yang masih layak dimakan?
siapakah yg bertanggung jawab atas semua ini? apakah hati nurani orang sudah terlalu dikonsumsi untuk kepentingan pribadi semata? atau hidup di indonesia begitu susah sampai orang tega menjual dan membeli makanan seperti itu demi bertahan hidup? demi sesuap nasi untuk keluarganya?
hmm.... semua ini membuat kita berpikir betapa beruntungnya kita dan betapa kita harus bersyukur atas apa yang kita miliki sekarang sehingga kita tak perlu mengkonsumsi makanan-makanan tersebut.. bersyukur karena kita masih mampu untuk makan makanan yang layak.. seberapa susahnya kita, kita masih jauh lebih beruntung daripada mereka... so live your life gracefully everyday!
cheers..
29 May 2008
Love Letter from heaven..
Dear Mommy,
I just wanted to let you know that I made it home. The journey wasn't an easy one, but it didn't take too long. Everything is so pretty here, so white, so fresh and new. I wish that you could close your eyes and that you could see it too.
Please try not to be sad for me... Try to understand. God is taking care of me... I'm in the shelter of His hands. Here there is no sadness, no sorrow, and no pain. Here there is no crying, and I'll never hurt again.
Here it is so peaceful when all the angels sing, I really have to go now-I've just got to try my wings!
Love,
Your Little Angel Adeline
I just wanted to let you know that I made it home. The journey wasn't an easy one, but it didn't take too long. Everything is so pretty here, so white, so fresh and new. I wish that you could close your eyes and that you could see it too.
Please try not to be sad for me... Try to understand. God is taking care of me... I'm in the shelter of His hands. Here there is no sadness, no sorrow, and no pain. Here there is no crying, and I'll never hurt again.
Here it is so peaceful when all the angels sing, I really have to go now-I've just got to try my wings!
Love,
Your Little Angel Adeline
25 May 2008
Takdir itu kejam..?
Film yg lagunya berlirik "takdir memang kejam..." kembali menguak pikiranku akhir2 ini, apa benar takdir itu kejam?
Tanggal 1 Mei 2008 kemarin, tepat pada hari kenaikan Yesus Kristus ke surga, aku kehilangan satu-satunya buah hatiku, putriku yg cantik, Adeline Singgih. Kejadian ini benar-benar seperti mimpi, terjadi begitu cepat membuatku shock dan tidak percaya.
Banyak orang termasuk suami, orang tua, saudara2, dan teman2 yang memberi support padaku, menemaniku di rumah sakit. Telpon tak henti2nya berbunyi dari kerabat2 yang ingin mengucapkan belasungkawa dan dukungan. Hal ini membuatku semakin sedih dan teriris, karena menyadarkanku bahwa ini semua bukanlah mimpi semata melainkan kenyataan yg harus aku hadapi.
Kehilangan seseorang yg pernah tumbuh berkembang dalam rahimku begitu lama sangatlah menyedihkan, semua terasa hampa, tendangan-tendangan kecil itu sudah tidak ada lagi. Bila sebelumnya masih tidak percaya bahwa ada seseorang yg sedang hidup di diriku, masih tidak yakin akan bisa tidaknya menjadi ibu yg baik, dan masih ada sedikit keinginan untuk bersenang2 mengingat menjadi seorang ibu menjadi tidak bebas, sekarang dengan kehilangan ini membuatku ingin menjadi ibu, dan membuatku tak ingin apapun lagi kecuali Adelineku.
Beberapa hari yang lalu, ada berita bahwa ada orang yang menemukan seorang bayi di tempat pembuangan sampah di Bali. Mengapa orang tuanya begitu kejam? Mengapa mrk tega membuang darah dagingnya di tempat sampah sampai kepala dan tangan nya dicabik2 oleh anjing? Apa yang bayi itu perbuat sehingga mereka tidak menginginkannya? Apa dosa bayi itu? Bukankah dia berhak untuk hidup? Pertanyaan2 ini mengiang2 di kepalaku. Bukankah takdir itu kejam?
Mungkin bila dilihat dari apa yg terjadi pdku, dan dunia akhir2 ini orang bilang takdir itu kejam, namun aku percaya bahwa takdir itu bukan kejam, tetapi takdir itu membuat kita lebih tegar dalam menghadapi hidup di dunia ini, takdir membuat kita lebih menghargai hidup, takdir membuat kita menysukuri apa yang kita miliki, dan takdir membawa kita untuk lebih dekat dengan Tuhan.
Pastor yang mendoakan Adeline pernah berkata, bahwa ini sudah rencana Tuhan membawa Adeline tepat pada hari kenaikan Yesus Kristus ke surga, sehingga Adeline diangkat bersama-sama denganNya dan dijadikan malaikat kecilNya. Karena bayi yang meninggal didalam rahim masih suci dan akan menjadi malaikat kecil yang akan selalu mendoakan keluarganya.
Kehilangan Adeline benar2 pengalaman yang membentuk hidupku, dan aku merasa ada bagian dari diriku yang telah mati bersamanya, membuatku bertekad untuk menjadi orang yang lebih baik. Meskipun aku belum pernah menggendongnya, tapi aku bersyukur telah 8bulan "menggendongnya" didalam rahimku, bersyukur telah merasakan tendangan2 kecilnya dan bersyukur telah memilikinya meski dalam waktu yang singkat.
Sekarang, Adelineku sudah menjadi malaikat kecil di surga, yang dipangku oleh Yesus, mendoakan orang tuanya dari atas sana, dan kelak akan menjaga adik-adiknya. Aku menjadi lega karena Adeline sudah menemukan kebahagiaan sejati, dan tinggal menunggu waktu untuk berkumpul bersama papa mamanya.
Pengalaman pahit ini membuatku sadar bahwa banyak orang yg begitu mencintaiku, memperhatikanku. Mama Papaku yang begitu peduli dan perhatian, suamiku yang begitu menjagaku dan menghiburku, serta kakak dan adikku yang menguatkanku, saudara2 dan teman2 yang selalu ada disisiku ketika aku membutuhkan mereka. Meskipun aku tahu merekapun ikut sedih atas kematian Adeline, Papa Mama yang sudah tidak sabar untuk menggendong cucu pertamanya, Suamiku yang sangat tidak sabar untuk bertemu dgn putri pertamanya, dan kakak adik dan saudara2 lainnya yang tidak sabar untuk melihat keponakannya, tapi mereka menyembunyikannya, malah menghiburku dan tersenyum didepanku meskipun di dalam hatinya menangis, semua ini mereka lakukan untuk membuatku tegar, dan kuat. Hal ini membuatku terenyuh dan bertekad untuk menghadapi hidup ini dengan berpikiran positive dan mengambil hikmah atas kejadian2 di hidup ini.
Aku percaya Tuhan pasti punya rencana atas apa yang terjadi di hidup ini, dan aku tahu pasti, semua kan jadi indah pada waktunya.
Tanggal 1 Mei 2008 kemarin, tepat pada hari kenaikan Yesus Kristus ke surga, aku kehilangan satu-satunya buah hatiku, putriku yg cantik, Adeline Singgih. Kejadian ini benar-benar seperti mimpi, terjadi begitu cepat membuatku shock dan tidak percaya.
Banyak orang termasuk suami, orang tua, saudara2, dan teman2 yang memberi support padaku, menemaniku di rumah sakit. Telpon tak henti2nya berbunyi dari kerabat2 yang ingin mengucapkan belasungkawa dan dukungan. Hal ini membuatku semakin sedih dan teriris, karena menyadarkanku bahwa ini semua bukanlah mimpi semata melainkan kenyataan yg harus aku hadapi.
Kehilangan seseorang yg pernah tumbuh berkembang dalam rahimku begitu lama sangatlah menyedihkan, semua terasa hampa, tendangan-tendangan kecil itu sudah tidak ada lagi. Bila sebelumnya masih tidak percaya bahwa ada seseorang yg sedang hidup di diriku, masih tidak yakin akan bisa tidaknya menjadi ibu yg baik, dan masih ada sedikit keinginan untuk bersenang2 mengingat menjadi seorang ibu menjadi tidak bebas, sekarang dengan kehilangan ini membuatku ingin menjadi ibu, dan membuatku tak ingin apapun lagi kecuali Adelineku.
Beberapa hari yang lalu, ada berita bahwa ada orang yang menemukan seorang bayi di tempat pembuangan sampah di Bali. Mengapa orang tuanya begitu kejam? Mengapa mrk tega membuang darah dagingnya di tempat sampah sampai kepala dan tangan nya dicabik2 oleh anjing? Apa yang bayi itu perbuat sehingga mereka tidak menginginkannya? Apa dosa bayi itu? Bukankah dia berhak untuk hidup? Pertanyaan2 ini mengiang2 di kepalaku. Bukankah takdir itu kejam?
Mungkin bila dilihat dari apa yg terjadi pdku, dan dunia akhir2 ini orang bilang takdir itu kejam, namun aku percaya bahwa takdir itu bukan kejam, tetapi takdir itu membuat kita lebih tegar dalam menghadapi hidup di dunia ini, takdir membuat kita lebih menghargai hidup, takdir membuat kita menysukuri apa yang kita miliki, dan takdir membawa kita untuk lebih dekat dengan Tuhan.
Pastor yang mendoakan Adeline pernah berkata, bahwa ini sudah rencana Tuhan membawa Adeline tepat pada hari kenaikan Yesus Kristus ke surga, sehingga Adeline diangkat bersama-sama denganNya dan dijadikan malaikat kecilNya. Karena bayi yang meninggal didalam rahim masih suci dan akan menjadi malaikat kecil yang akan selalu mendoakan keluarganya.
Kehilangan Adeline benar2 pengalaman yang membentuk hidupku, dan aku merasa ada bagian dari diriku yang telah mati bersamanya, membuatku bertekad untuk menjadi orang yang lebih baik. Meskipun aku belum pernah menggendongnya, tapi aku bersyukur telah 8bulan "menggendongnya" didalam rahimku, bersyukur telah merasakan tendangan2 kecilnya dan bersyukur telah memilikinya meski dalam waktu yang singkat.
Sekarang, Adelineku sudah menjadi malaikat kecil di surga, yang dipangku oleh Yesus, mendoakan orang tuanya dari atas sana, dan kelak akan menjaga adik-adiknya. Aku menjadi lega karena Adeline sudah menemukan kebahagiaan sejati, dan tinggal menunggu waktu untuk berkumpul bersama papa mamanya.
Pengalaman pahit ini membuatku sadar bahwa banyak orang yg begitu mencintaiku, memperhatikanku. Mama Papaku yang begitu peduli dan perhatian, suamiku yang begitu menjagaku dan menghiburku, serta kakak dan adikku yang menguatkanku, saudara2 dan teman2 yang selalu ada disisiku ketika aku membutuhkan mereka. Meskipun aku tahu merekapun ikut sedih atas kematian Adeline, Papa Mama yang sudah tidak sabar untuk menggendong cucu pertamanya, Suamiku yang sangat tidak sabar untuk bertemu dgn putri pertamanya, dan kakak adik dan saudara2 lainnya yang tidak sabar untuk melihat keponakannya, tapi mereka menyembunyikannya, malah menghiburku dan tersenyum didepanku meskipun di dalam hatinya menangis, semua ini mereka lakukan untuk membuatku tegar, dan kuat. Hal ini membuatku terenyuh dan bertekad untuk menghadapi hidup ini dengan berpikiran positive dan mengambil hikmah atas kejadian2 di hidup ini.
Aku percaya Tuhan pasti punya rencana atas apa yang terjadi di hidup ini, dan aku tahu pasti, semua kan jadi indah pada waktunya.
05 January 2008
Happy New Year..
Hm.. it's been a while since Iwrote a blog... but I try to start again seeing that I have nothing to do at home anyway..
2008.. a brand new year... begin with disaster everywhere especially in Java, Indonesia. Similar as the previous years, in 2005 there was a big tsunami in Aceh, 2007 began with the missing plane Adam Air, this year begin with big floods everywhere in Indonesia. I started to wonder maybe this country is cursed seeing that so many corruptions, bombings, or killing during the wars ages ago?
It's sort of depressing, but I believe that as long as we still have faith that God will take care our lives then we have nothing to worry about..
Anyway.. when i think back to the previous year, 2007, so many things happened in my life.. bad things and good things... It started with the day I've lost my uncle in January, then the day I've lost my grandpa in February, then the day I've lost my other uncle, then the day I've lost my little 15 years old cousin, and also the day I've lost my father in Law in August. What a tragic year i suppose? but I believe that God has good plans for us for this lost..
However, many good things also happened in my life and my family during 2007 apart from those tragic lost I've mentioned above, I've got married in June with the man I love, with the honeymoon, the new life and stuff, then three months later i've got pregnant :) the happiest time in my life..
I'm sure that this year will be a better year for me and my family. My sister is getting married in August, and my lil cousin is also getting married in June, and also my baby is due in June! there's a possibility that my other lil cousin getting married at the end of the year too.. Hm.. what an exciting year!!
My new year resolutions.. hm.. become a good loving mother, and of course become a better person!!
Cheers..
2008.. a brand new year... begin with disaster everywhere especially in Java, Indonesia. Similar as the previous years, in 2005 there was a big tsunami in Aceh, 2007 began with the missing plane Adam Air, this year begin with big floods everywhere in Indonesia. I started to wonder maybe this country is cursed seeing that so many corruptions, bombings, or killing during the wars ages ago?
It's sort of depressing, but I believe that as long as we still have faith that God will take care our lives then we have nothing to worry about..
Anyway.. when i think back to the previous year, 2007, so many things happened in my life.. bad things and good things... It started with the day I've lost my uncle in January, then the day I've lost my grandpa in February, then the day I've lost my other uncle, then the day I've lost my little 15 years old cousin, and also the day I've lost my father in Law in August. What a tragic year i suppose? but I believe that God has good plans for us for this lost..
However, many good things also happened in my life and my family during 2007 apart from those tragic lost I've mentioned above, I've got married in June with the man I love, with the honeymoon, the new life and stuff, then three months later i've got pregnant :) the happiest time in my life..
I'm sure that this year will be a better year for me and my family. My sister is getting married in August, and my lil cousin is also getting married in June, and also my baby is due in June! there's a possibility that my other lil cousin getting married at the end of the year too.. Hm.. what an exciting year!!
My new year resolutions.. hm.. become a good loving mother, and of course become a better person!!
Cheers..
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